Day 12:
Today was great fun, I started the morning (without a headache I might add!) taking Kylie and Schnitzel for a walk, we went straight up our street to Linear Park where I snapped some photo’s of them both with my new camera (check out my flickr profile).
We went for some shopping at Westfield Marion Shopping Centre - when we got there I felt fantastic, no cravings, no patterns, and best of all no stinky breath. I knew my luck would get me a good park today, I was right - less than 50m from the entrance. In that short distance we managed to walk past six people with cigarettes either in their mouth, about to light one up, or putting one out.
The first two were these little girls bum-puffing on their ciggies just outside the entrance (all the others didn’t really matter), they would have been between 14-18 years old (I’m terrible with age of women and girls!). It looked as though it was their first couple of smokes they’ve ever had and were only there posing, trying to look cool. I just wanted to grab the ciggies out their mouths and say “cigarettes make you look ugly, stink, and ruin your skin - you’re not bloody doin’ it right anyway!”. Instead I walked past and the smell actually made me sick, it was a great sign. This was the first time I’ve given up and I’ve not enjoyed the smell. Kylie was very proud (again).
It was a standard shopping day, the only difference was I was not feeling so self-conscious about how my clothes or breath smelt. We fought our way home to a little peace late in the afternoon. It was only minutes when we walked through the door and Kylie got a call from her friend, Kylie said “do you want to go out?” to me, I did not want to go out to a pub surrounded by ciggies and beer. I explained as nice as I could, trying to let her down softly “I’m too tired, I’ll drive you where ever you’d like”, she had a relieved look about her, something tells me she didn’t want someone bored sitting in the corner asking to go home every five minutes holding her back from having a good time.
Coming home by myself felt weird. I ALWAYS have a all by myself, this time was different - I heard noises - I heard scratching - was that a knock? - what was that? - where were these sounds coming from?… My anxiety was intense, I was starting to sweat, I was screaming like a School girl. The cravings were even more intense, I really feel like a beer and a ciggie. I decided to get my Baseball bat and triple check all the windows and doors - “Sorry Schnitty, you’re going to have to try and hold on tonight” I said. I laid on the lounge with Schnitzel and my bat next to me.
Waking up to the sound of my phone going bananas (literally, I put banana splits as my ringtone). Kylie needed to be picked up, my sleep deprived state was now in delirium. I tried to open my eyes, it didn’t work, Kylie called again to see where I was. I fell asleep. I jumped up about 10 minutes later, oh no I have to get Kylie!!
It was nice being the person relied on rather than the person relying on someone. “One banana two banana three banana four…”